Off Grid Dining Hit My Little Town

Me in my bliss

The "dining room"

Roasted Beet Harissa Soup with Quick Pickled Cucumbers

Juniper, Fennel and Lemon Pickled Carrots

Local Honeycomb, Kale Pesto, Pickled Carrots and Local Bread Appetizer Plate

Butterscotch Pot De Cremes with Homemade Whipped Creme Fraiche

The "crew" xoxox

Hi you. I know, I know, nothing for months. I have been coming along though. Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas all under my belt. I was a mess for Halloween, pulled it together for Thanksgiving, and Christmas was calm and lovely. During milestones like holidays, I have reflected back on how I spent almost 10 years creating a nest, a false life with myself. Beautiful house, nuclear family, shiny cars, trips. Anyone who looked in through the window of my life would find a warm cozy picture of all of us. I would throw in some kick ass meals to seal the deal. Then the parts that I hid; the feeling that it was not really my life and my partner never really felt like my partner. The more I created an illusion that looked like a successful, happy life, the longer I could keep faking it, lying to myself.  I eventually had to face the fear that if I took a look at myself, I was unhappy and too scared to do anything about it. And then because I had not made the decision myself to leave when I knew it was not working, the decision was lovingly made for me. So fast forward to present; I am present with myself as a daily practice. I feel present for my life. I am feeling happy not because I am feeling joy all the time, but because I am still loving myself when I don't. Stumbling around as a human is not longer equaling failure, it is equaling a constant practice to love all the things in front of me. A new authentic kind of love for the world has emerged, and a new kind of love for all those in it. Time is transforming the waves of grief to come less and less. If I feel a wave coming, I notice that I am more apt to pull out a welcome mat and usher it in.  I sit with the sadness and everything tends to settle. Even yesterday when I felt a situation to be frustrating,  I stopped what I was doing and I just acknowledged it. I am finding that putting awareness toward not changing my feelings moves me quicker out of a feeling I find challenging. I guess that would be calling accepting all that is. Yes, that would be what it is called. A gift I am continually grateful for of the many I have been bestowed the last 15 months.

Above I posted pictures of a local off-grid dining event a friend organized. I was the first chef, and it was a soft opening. I love being the person to help get the kinks worked out. My organized mind works well in new situations like that, but also can trip me up by over thinking things on occasion! But that night, everything fell into place. Truly, it was a magical food night for me.  Local farmers were showcased; polenta, kale, beets, carrots, honey and bread all local! It felt sublime to provide guests with a change of food scenery in our little town.
Here is a rundown of the meal:
1. Kale pesto chevre with pickled carrots honeycomb and almonds with fresh bread
2. Roasted Harissa Beet Soup with Quick Pickled Cucumbers
3. Pork Ragu over White Polenta
4. Butterscotch Pot De Cremes with Homemade Whipped Creme Fraiche

I deeply appreciated the opportunity to cook, and since so many of my friends were there it was also like a fun night out. I know word is traveling fast about future events at this dinner club, so I am interested in seeing how it comes together and forms. My close friend Jilan took all the photos I posted. I love what catches her eye. She has an amazing sense of style that radiates from inside her. Her photography has become a wonderful extension of her many talents, and I gush about her on any occasion I can. Her photography blog: 11th and Lombard Photography Blogspot....
Well so long for now. I am creating a new blog as I type this and I can't wait to share it with all of you as soon as it is ready.
xo

An Anniversary...

I am coming upon the one year mark of my life radically changing course. I did not think this anniversary would have any kind of impact for me. In fact I thought it would be a relief. I am noticing however moving so quickly into fall, that I remember almost nothing of the weather last year, but vividly remember so much pain that I found almost nothing of my normal life recognizable. I exercised deep trust knowing I would not get lost in that place, and lose myself. I am remembering now, how I choose all of the actors and scenes on the stage of my creation. I am reflecting now at how completely and lovingly I choose to shift everything. I did not understand then how I was the master of my own orchestra. I only saw myself get swept away with heartache, despair, grief and betrayal. I now tenderly thank my past partner for having the courage to gift me so deeply. I thank his new partner for being part of my miracle. I hold myself when more tears flow as I think of how you, me, us, all do such human things to each other. I tried putting labels on everyone's actions this past year in an attempt to skirt my own feelings of loss and responsibility. But I kept on opening to the grief and found that all I had left was the love. And in love for myself, I discovered that all of my disruptions are self-created events to open my heart to more loving. Trying to find our way through suffering, humanness, dualistic thinking; these are the gifts of unimaginable depths. I had no idea a short year ago. I had no idea what I was capable of. I had no idea of the road ahead. I had no idea that it was not about good or bad, right or wrong. It is about the love. How far can our heart expand to accept and love what is happening in front of our eyes? An infinite amount is my answer. And now, as I have said my sad goodbyes to a life and a love I thought would last, I am full of tenderness for us all. I am filled with a knowing  that we all have the capacity for transformation from our most difficult experiences. Life is a series of gifts. I am teary with gratitude for all of mine.

Olive Oil Gingerbread Cake with Salted Caramel Frosting

This past weekend I went to the Eat Real Festival in Oakland. It was a showcase of all things food. There was a place to check your canvas bags in case you wanted to check out music and not be holding your recently purchased jars of local cinnamon plum jam or sauerkraut. There were hundreds of vendors and food trucks selling everything from local sustainably harvested oysters to gluten free cupcakes. Beer sold in mason jars, grass fed and pickled everything. Top Chef alums doing demonstrations of DIY sausage, sourdough demos, and of course the brightest and best small batch coffee and popsicle vendors. Apricot curry popsicle anyone? Thousands and thousands of people patiently waited in long, long lines to get the city's most local food offerings. No plate of food was over $5 either. The affordability keep a great momentum going to sample lots of different foods. I kept thinking that food is what might bring this country together in our diversity of politics, social policy and religion. We all have to eat, right? It was quite a sight. I felt completely at home.

So, I came home from my food filled weekend to cooler temperatures and crisp air. Gingerbread kept coming to mind. Salted caramel kept coming to mind as well. That was a leftover thought of the weekend, because at the festival, the only thing missing for me was Bi-Rite Creamery and their salted caramel ice cream. I would climb a mountain for that ice cream. So, salted caramel it was. On gingerbread. I changed a basic gingerbread recipe around and added olive oil instead of butter. Molasses is dense and strong. I wondered if the grassy flavor of extra virgin olive oil and the addition of cardamom would make it more mysterious. I opted for buttermilk to keep the cake lively, springy and moist. Really, the cake only took about 10 minutes to put together. The caramel took a little over ten minutes and the butter cream another 10. Then, I stood in my kitchen and started forking out pieces of cake, slathering on the caramel buttercream, because I absolutely could not wait until everything was room temperature or say, on a plate. I managed to eat three pieces standing in my kitchen and I realized this cake was not safe in my house. Or really, I was not safe in my house with this cake in it! I proceeded to gift out the rest of the pieces to friends doorsteps to celebrate the arrival of fall.
This cake is as easy as making cornbread. Heavy on molasses, rich on flavor, but light and moist. Powdered cardamom might not be in your spice pantry, but is easy to find. It makes the gingerbread cake a bit more exotic. It is also lovely for making your own chai at home this winter. Or putting in shortbread cookies or in rice pudding. I purposely made a small cake here because gingerbread burnout happens quick. A little goes a long way. Plus, I wanted to make sure there was enough frosting to cover the whole cake.

Olive Oil Gingerbread Cake

1 1/4 cup all purpose flour
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. powdered cardamon
1/2 tsp. powdered ginger
1 egg
1/2 cup molasses
1/3 cup extra virgin olive oil
1/2 cup buttermilk

In a bowl, add flour, spices, salt and baking powder. Stir with fork.
In another bowl, whisk egg with fork and add sugar. Add olive oil and molasses and lightly whisk with fork.  Add to dry ingredients.
In a cup, mix buttermilk and baking soda. Add to rest of the ingredients. Pour into a buttered dish. This will make 6 cupcakes or a 9x9 pan. I used a slightly larger pan than 9x9 (an oval casserole dish) so that the cake would be thinner for more frosting.!
Bake at 350 degrees for about 30-40 minutes depending on thickness. Use a toothpick coming out clean to test for doneness.

Salted Caramel Buttercream Frosting
(makes about 2 cups)

1 1/2 sticks butter room temperature
1/4 cup sugar

2 tbls. water

1/4 cup heavy cream

1 tsp. vanilla extract
1 cup powdered sugar
1 tsp. salt

in saucepan, add sugar. Pour water on top of sugar. In a separate bowl mix vanilla extract and cream. Heat on med-high heat without stirring until mixture starts to turn a dark amber color. Remove from heat. Remove from heat and slowly add cream mixture with wooden spoon into hot sugar. Stir constantly until fully incorporated. Set aside to completely cool (about 25 min)

With an electric beater or stand mixer with paddle attachment, whip room temperature butter and salt until light and fluffy (2-3 min). Add powdered sugar and beat a minute more. Add room temperature caramel and beat another 2 minutes. Let cool in fridge for about 20 min. before using.

Saffron Polenta with Fresh Tomatoes

I took a bath this morning and loved the light streaming in so much, that I got out of the tub, dried off and grabbed my camera. I am having a out-of-sorts day. Yesterday I took my homeopathic constitutional remedy. I am now enduring the lovely healing crisis that sometimes accompanies a remedy. A good sign mostly. When things are off kilter for me, I get into the bathtub.


Polenta is heavy. Sturdy and coarse, it is not meek. I like the earthy smell polenta has of corn stalks and the slight milky odor that reminds me of my grandparents dairy farm as a child. It is hearty the way oatmeal or buckwheat groats are. Not light and airy like jasmine rice or quinoa. My polenta is from my grain share. It has a flavor that is buttery and lively. It definitely is different than polenta that has been sitting in a bulk bin. But, mornings and evenings are becoming more defined with fall's flutters and polenta fits the energy of going more inward. Saffron's muskiness is a great addition to the herbal qualities of polenta and the sweet notes of tomatoes. I do add butter to my polenta. I would rather eat half a portion and have it filled to the brim with everything that is full of flavor and lusciousness than eat a big bowl of something that is not. I encourage you to do the same.

This dish will be on your table in 35 minutes. Slice some tomatoes out of your garden, get the micro-zester out of the drawer and put a hunk of pecorino on a plate. This is hearty. Only eat a little if you find yourself getting nervous....or you could just make this day like the one you have always wanted to live. In this moment, it is all here.

Saffron Polenta with Fresh Tomatoes
makes two large or three small portions

small pinch saffron threads
2 1/4 cups stock
2 tbls. pecorino romano cheese finely grated
1/2 cup polenta (don't bother with the fast cooking kind)
2 small tomatoes
1 tbls. olive oil
2 tbls. butter

In a heavy bottomed sauce pan, add stock and polenta. Bring to a boil, turn heat down to med-low and add saffron and olive oil. Stir every couple of minutes and turn heat down lower if it starts to splatter while bubbling. Cook and stir for 30 minutes. Add butter and pecorino romano. Stir and taste for salt.
Cook for another 5 minutes or until the polenta tastes tender.
Spoon a small amount into a bowl and top with sliced fresh tomatoes and a little sprinkle of salt on the top of the tomatoes.

Plum Cobbler with Rosemary Cornbread Topping

potency

Oh you potent heart. Big love. Deep sorrow. Angst. Anger. Frustration. Euphoria. Passion.

Sometimes I feel like these things will topple me over. My hand trembled while giving them their invitations. Then getting ripped open to let the light in.

I go out into the world and find others may shield themselves from life’s potency. Buttoned-up lives like seatbelts. Buckled down for life’s big turns, no wind on their face.

You don’t have to distract yourself I say in a whisper. But, I know they are on their perfect road. Come closer discomfort so I can love you more.

All of the blindness in our hearts pushes us into corners, making for our half way experiences.  I can’t go back now. I took off the blinders.

So I was there last night in the wine bar with all of that.

Where are my people who would rather not?

Do that.

But do this.

--> --> -->

                                                                                                                                                                    I wanted to dive right into the fall season that is quickly descending upon us, and thought a baked fruit dessert was a proper choice. The light is changing, and the air is starting to bring what is coming next. I find myself continually taken by surprise and filled with some uneasiness when seasons change. The change pushes me out of my illusion that there is steadiness in life.  Beginnings and endings of nature's cycles show us in a macro way, how we too have these starts and finishes. Some easy, some joyful, some painful. But always there. So alas, a recipe for my appreciation of the flux in life. All of it delicate like only life can be.                                                                                            

                                                                                                                                                                    I brought this cobbler to a going away dinner for my friend Jess. I not so secretly hope she will move from Ohio to our little town. She spent a good part of her summer here with her sister Sarah who is a dear friend. Jess was behind the purchase of a certain pair of silver high heels M bought while with her at a costume store, and they have become legendary in my house. M pulls them out almost daily wishing she were 16 (the age I told her she has to be to wear them out of the house). She parades around clanking on the wood floors hoping I will change my mind and let her wear them out sooner.

                                                                                                                                                             Jess's going away party was themed "comfort food". Roasted chicken, nachos, ribs, potato salad and cobbler. I thought this recipe up one night thinking about the french plums that were in my first grain share of the season. A big bowl of purplish plump jewels on my counter; special fruit I wanted to make something a bit different with. Once I had decided rosemary and cornbread would be a nice departure from biscuit toppings on traditional cobbler, I got to work. I decided to let the rosemary steep in the hot melted butter for 15 minutes to ensure the cornbread would be full of rosemary flavor. I also opted not to use any thickeners in the fruit filling so that the cornbread would soak up any extra juice. I love the caramel flavor that lots of butter mixed with sugar in the fruit imparts. I am loving the savory flavor in sweet things trend, so tried this recipe with that in mind. The first try with this recipe I used french plums, but the cornbread topping was too thick. Next try, I doubled the fruit (and substituted pluots for plums).  I halved the cornbread recipe topping and it turned out great. Buttery, full of rosemary flavor and very easy. I cooked the pluots on the stove first to start the caramelizing. Poured the hot buttery mixture into a dish and gently spooned the cornbread topping on top.

                                                                                                                                                             Plum Cobbler with Rosemary Cornbread Topping

                                                                                                                                                                    5 cups roughly diced plums (I used Pluots)

2/3 cup sugar plus 1/4 cup sugar

1 1/2 sticks butter

1/2 cup buttermilk

1/4 tsp. baking soda

1/4 tsp. salt

1 egg

1/2 cup cornmeal

1/2 cup flour

2 tsp. fresh chopped rosemary

 In a skillet, saute plums with one stick of butter and 2/3 cup sugar. On med-low heat occasionally stir, cook for 20 min.

Melt one half stick of butter in sauce pan over low heat with two teaspoons of rosemary. Add 1/4 cup sugar and stir. Set aside for 15 minutes. Whisk egg in a bowl. 

In another bowl, mix salt, flour and cornmeal. Add melted butter rosemary mixture. Add egg to wet mixture. In a cup mix buttermilk and baking soda. Mix with a fork. Add to the flour mixture.

In an 9x12 pan (or a round casserole dish close in size) pour plums. Spoon the cornbread mixture on top. 

Bake for 30 min at 375.

Harissa Beet Soup with Quick Pickled Cucumbers

Harissa Beet Soup with Quick Pickled Cucumbers

I have taken a wee summer break this past month. Sorry I have been a bit absent. There were rivers to swim in, friends to cook with and a new found freedom in my heart to celebrate. I have come a long way these last 10 months, and forgiveness has been the biggest gift of freedom I have given myself so far these 39 years of mine. Quite a bit of hard work to get there though. I had to give my life a through examination. I feel endless amounts of gratitude to my support system. They lovingly supported my process while never trying to rescue me from the grief or pain. This may seem counter-intuitive, but it made every step I have taken my own.
So, today is a recipe that I think makes up for my absence. It is so phenomenal and simple that it could turn anyone who even questioned beets as a palatable food into a believer.  Beets have started coming in my farm share these last weeks. I only do a few things with beets. Grate them raw for salads, roast them or make beet chips. I really like beets, but there are many other vegetables I choose over beets. I mostly cook beets because they are so highly nutritious and are in the vegetable share box.  They tend to be a bit earthy, strong and unmoldable. Beets easily over power a dish. And while most people tolerate them, I have found most don't crave them.
This soup could change all of that.
There was not a hint of earthiness in this soup. It was smooth,  luscious and not too heavy. The pickled cucumbers cut the creaminess and added wonderful acid. The Harissa spice perked up the whole thing and added nice note of  smokiness to it. The Harissa I used had caraway in it, and wow did that bode well. I used a Harissa blend my sister brought this weekend for me to try. It is from a company called See Smell Taste. They gave her a sample to try. She of course is so busy, she has very little time to cook. But, she thought to bring it to me and it is hands down the best Harissa I have ever tried. Danielle is working very hard to launch a soon to be internet superstar called Wantful.com. Most likely you have not heard this company, but you will, because I think it has potential to change gift giving as we have known it. You can order this Harissa from The Gourmet Online store if you would like it right away.
Harissa is a standard in North African cuisine, and it is generally a mixture of chili peppers and spices like coriander, caraway and sometimes mint. It is very popular in tangines, couscous dishes and chickpea dishes. Heidi from 101 Cookbooks has a recipes section dedicated to her Harissa recipes. It has gotten a lot of attention these last couple of years in western food dishes. If you are wanting to make your own, Heidi has a recipe and so does AllRecipes. 

If you have little people in your house, this might push spice boundaries. You can half the harissa and see if it is palatable for them. I found the spice to be a wonderful match to the bold beet taste. A note about serving this soup. It is late, hot summer here. 90 degree days. I have no taste for hot soup. So, after I roasted the beets and carrots, I let them cool for 15 minutes before adding to blender, The result was an almost room temperature soup with cold pickled cucumbers on top. Perfect for a hot evening. This is my new gazpacho. That is how much I love this soup!

Harissa Beet Soup with Quick Pickled Cucumbers
makes 4 small bowls (I will be doubling this tonight when I make it again!)

2 cups roasted beets
1 cup roasted carrots
glug of olive oil
salt for taste
1 cup lemon cucumber seeded and diced (a skinned green cucumber is fine too)
2 tsp. champagne vinegar
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 tablespoon dried Harissa powder
zest of lemon
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
2 cups chicken stock or vegetable stock

Wash carrots and beets. No need to remove skins. Roughly trim off tops and bottoms. Cut beets into fourths. Add carrots and beets to an oven proof baking dish. Drizzle with olive oil (about a tablespoon) to coat and a sprinkle of salt. Mix with your hands. Cover with tin foil and bake at 350 degree for about an hour, or until the beets are knife tender. Remove from stove, keep tinfoil on pan and let sit out for 15 minutes.
In a blender, add 2 cups stock, lemon zest, pinch salt, lemon juice and harissa. Add the beets and carrots to blender. Make sure you get the olive oil in the pan too. Don't bother with removing the beet skins. Blend for a good 5-8 minutes in your blender. Stop and taste for salt.
In a separate bowl, add chopped cucumber, 2 tablespoons olive oil, 2 teaspoons champagne vinegar and pinch salt. Let sit for 5 minutes, or up to overnight to pickle.
Dish about a cup of soup into a bowl right from the blender. Add a heaping tablespoon of cucumbers making sure to get a good amount of the olive oil and vinegar along with the cucumbers. Soup should be about room temperature or a little over room temperature. Keeps in fridge for a couple of days too.

Burrata makes it Better

Our 4th of July was at Lake Arrowhead in southern California. We were with M's grandparents and aunt. This was not so easy of a trip for me however as it was my ex-husband's father, sister and step-mother whom I adore and love. Families breaking up is like an unending amount of band aids being ripped from thin-skinned parts of your body. My friend and I have been emailing back and forth the last couple of days about this. She is about 3 months ahead of me in her own marriage breakup. We check in on occasion with one another. Is it better for you yet? Has the heartache softened? Are you crying less? Are your afraid your friends are tired of talking about this yet? Dating? Along with the immediate loss of a long term partner, extended family is a whole other ball of wax. I have struggled with feeling replaced and trying to understand how I will fit into families I have come to love when they are not mine, but are for my daughter. I start to cry thinking about how much time, energy and love I put into making connections with my ex-husbands family the past 11 years now knowing that I will most likely never talk to most of them again.

My girlfriend and I have also been talking about the fairy tale we as a society buy into. Girl meets man, man takes care of girl. No one mentions the rescuing, resentment and power imbalances that go along with the current acceptable "successful" marriage template. The power we willingly give away for a version of safety and security that is nothing more than a mirage. I never would have believed someone if they told me how painful a family breaking up is. Life is so mysterious in that way. So much of the most potent experiences are like heavy clouds, bursting with emotions, grief, relief, joy and suffering. We can look at the storm clouds and feel the wind, sense their intensity, hope we can seek shelter, and yet until we are rained on, we can never fully understand the experience. Storms are imperative for nature to survive. Like a forest fire raging out of control, it is necessary to release the precious seeds that only fire can for its ultimate survival. And so it is this for our hearts also. For my heart to grow, I need the storms. So I carry tissues everywhere for my tears. I seek solace in my friends who also seek soul storms and intimately understand their wisdom and power. I cry rivers and know my life preserver is loving the grief. I am sad and tender and open hearted. I am angry and scared and accept that it is ok to miss my life before that was so lifeless. I am thankful that even when it seems that everything is gone, it is also grace wiping the slate clean for our hearts to fill with a new and more authentic kind of love. Saying goodbye can be really hard to do.

After coming back from L.A. I had a dinner party. Dinner conversation with 5 women and 5 kids running around. I feel so lucky coming home. That day going to the coop, I noticed Burrata and the first heirloom tomatoes were in stock. Figs, shiso leaves and nectarines too. A whole dinner ensued that made me feel deep thanks that I have friends who do not shy from life and its struggles. Burrata, while perhaps being an older trend, it still on my top list of summer treats. A mixture of mozzarella skin filled with cream and leftover mozzarella curds, it is a showstopper! Creamy, rich, delicate and flavorful. I served fresh sliced heirloom tomatoes, high quality olive oil, local shiso leaves (mine are growing but not yet ready) sea salt and sliced burrata. A perfect celebration of summer's flavors with very little effort. Burrata is best fresh. It is a guarantee hit for any dinner. Burrata makes it better for me.